Being a Follower, Not a Leader

Write. Share. Give.

Recently I was discussing (or lecturing) my students on the importance of being a leader and not a follower.  About halfway through, my conscience screamed at my, “You hypocrite!” It suddenly occurred to me that I had been the follower in my friendship with my best friend.

Even though my best friend and I had just gone through a falling out, I was confused as to why.  But now I knew.  I had allowed her to control the friendship, and the minute I was not at her beck and call, I was no longer considered a friend.

Now honestly this is something I should have seen coming.   There had been several red flags throughout our long friendship.  Twice she had chosen to date men who did not respect her, and I had chosen to comment on that fact.   Both times had ended with us going months without talking, until I had made the move and apologized.  When we hung out, 95% of the time, we did things she was wanted to do.  While having a discussion, if I told her something she didn’t want to hear, I was wrong.

Obviously, we had many great times throughout our friendship that I will always cherish, but I have realized I also missed out on a lot of other great friendship opportunities. Opportunities with friends who allow me to be myself and who care about my opinions.  Are there days I want to shoot her a text because I heard a funny story or saw something that brought up a great memory?  Absolutely!  But I hold back and I move on to something else because I don’t want to feel like a hypocrite.  I want to practice what I preach!

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6 thoughts on “Being a Follower, Not a Leader

  1. Friendships are sometimes hard. Sorry for need for this particular reflection- it had to be hard to write. But you wrote so well about it. 🙂 hard stuff is hard and sometimes writing helps.

  2. I know this has been something you’ve been grappling with… and I can appreciate how difficult this has been for you. Just know you have others who love you AND your opinions! xo

  3. This post has a lot of feeling to it. God, long friendships like these are harder to sort out than other relationships. From the sound of it, you’ve put your finger on the things that are not okay for you to put up with and have a good mind for reflecting on what you did to get to this place. Still I’m sorry you have to go through it at all but I like how you recognize that you have other friendships to work on. That’s so important. You should always be allowed to be you with whomever you call a close friend. 🙂

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