Recently I was discussing (or lecturing) my students on the importance of being a leader and not a follower. About halfway through, my conscience screamed at my, “You hypocrite!” It suddenly occurred to me that I had been the follower in my friendship with my best friend.
Even though my best friend and I had just gone through a falling out, I was confused as to why. But now I knew. I had allowed her to control the friendship, and the minute I was not at her beck and call, I was no longer considered a friend.
Now honestly this is something I should have seen coming. There had been several red flags throughout our long friendship. Twice she had chosen to date men who did not respect her, and I had chosen to comment on that fact. Both times had ended with us going months without talking, until I had made the move and apologized. When we hung out, 95% of the time, we did things she was wanted to do. While having a discussion, if I told her something she didn’t want to hear, I was wrong.
Obviously, we had many great times throughout our friendship that I will always cherish, but I have realized I also missed out on a lot of other great friendship opportunities. Opportunities with friends who allow me to be myself and who care about my opinions. Are there days I want to shoot her a text because I heard a funny story or saw something that brought up a great memory? Absolutely! But I hold back and I move on to something else because I don’t want to feel like a hypocrite. I want to practice what I preach!