When I was younger I absolutely loved shopping for clothes. It was so much fun trying on different outfits and modeling in front of the mirror. My closet was filled to the max, and finding something to wear was simple. Now I hate it. Shopping for clothes has become a chore. I mix and match my current clothes as often as possible just so I don’t have to buy something new.
If I had to pinpoint exactly when my attitude towards shopping changed, it would have to be around the time I hit the heaviest weight I had ever been. My pants size began to grow, and my love for shopping began to diminish. I hated looking at myself in the mirrors because the person I saw staring back at me was a stranger. When did this happen? How did I let myself go so much? Why did I let this happen?
Eventually I made a decision to change my lifestyle. I started to work out regularly. I made better food choices. And slowly the weight began to come off, but I still didn’t enjoy shopping. Yes, there were many small victory dances in the dressing rooms when I was able to put on a pair of jeans a size smaller, or wear that dress without feeling uncomfortable, but shopping still sucked.
Even today, when I am pretty close to the weight I want to be, I still dread going to the store. I never feel like what I’m wearing looks good. I go to several stores to come home with ONE shirt,that barely passed my purchasing test. Sometimes I get so frustrated, I grab the first thing I see, wear it once, and then it goes in the ‘give to charity’ pile.
I’m not even sure why I still hate shopping. It could be because, despite my age, I still feel like I’m caught between departments. I’m not quite ready for the ladies department because I still am attracted to the bright colors and fun designs in the Juniors department. It could be that I my past experience with my body image has ruined me for life, and despite how others view me, I still have a hard time not critiquing my body constantly. It could be I just pick the wrong times to go, and I’m never quite in the mood, so shopping while crabby is never a good idea. Who knows? I do know, that something has got to give.